Tuesday, December 30, 2008

♪ Numb ♪

...I Feel Numb...
Not even listening to the Jonas Brothers can make me get out of this zombie mode right now and they always do!
I don't really know what to say, but I'll explain why thats the case...

My dad has been very sick with flu like symptoms & has been having a lot of major stomach issues recently. He has been going to the hospital for the past 2 or so months to get many tests done to find out what's going on and  he went in for surgery today (12/30/08) to get a couple lymph-nodes  in his lungs taken out to see if they were cancerous. We found out that yes, it is indeed cancer.  We will not know if it's lymphoma in his lungs (lymph-node cancer), lung cancer or both and we wont know what stage it is in until friday. 

This whole thing is so hard... When I was in 6th grade my mother was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer & was cleared from it either my senior year of HS or my freshmen year of college, it all kind of blends together. Luckily  her type of cancer was/is curable, but sadly my fathers cancer will not be and apparently lymphoma & lung cancers are the two worst cancers out there, but thats not gonna slow us down. During the time my mom had cancer she had to have radiation, but no chemo. My dad will be needing both, so even though my family has gone through this before, it's still a bit of a curve ball and something new thrown at us.

I will still be going to Disney & I really hate that I'm leaving though. I feel like I'm abandoning my family, but it has been made clear by them that I need to go no matter what. It's going to be really, really hard because I'm the oldest child and I took care of my brothers & kind of a role of another parent when we were going through this with my mom. My motherly instincts kick in when it comes to situations like this and I can't be here to help like that this time, at least not for four months and it's killing me. I am glad that I'm still doing Disney because I will be doing something awesome and I can keep my family distracted from the constant black cloud that is hovering them by telling them about my experiences and all that jazz & I'm glad that I can do that for them.

I am having a lot of strong mixed emotions, but I do have my wall up and my "game face" on. I know the routine and I know how unpredictable the whole thing is and I'm ready to kick some cancer butt! (even though I'm not the one literally fighting it) So please don't think I'm heartless at times or too much of a mess (if you continue to read my blogs) just understand what's going on and be patient with me and I promise that I will not get all emo on here lol =)

Okay so I think that's enough depressing news today... I'll end with a happy note... I got my Team Jonas membership gift in the mail!!! Finally!! LOL I'm sure that a lot of you don't care cause well I don't have many friends that like the JoBros, but I love 'em so get use to it =P hehe Also! My hair turned out pretty well (I colored it... it's mentioned in the blog before this one) it looks natural as if I grew the color myself  haha and I'll get pictures up later.

I've had a long and exhausting day/evening so I'm going to go. I hope that my update was helpful. I know that it helped me to get it off my chest... Writing always has been able to do that for me =) 
Know that I love all of you and I am so grateful for everyone & everything and I know that love can help anyone get through the hardest times cause love conquers evil so lets spread the love! =D (I'm cheesy I know hehe!)

Goodnight & Sweet Dreams!

Song: Numb - U2

♪ Sexy Back ♪

     So I'm sitting here waiting for my hair color to finish =) Yes I'm dying my hair... again hehe I need to for Disney cause my roots were really showing & roots are not allowed soooo I had to pick out what color I wanted my hair to be and I decided that I'm sticking with the red. Why you ask. Well let me tell you... I really like it (obviously) and well I feel sexier having red hair LMAO sounds silly I know, but I'm sure you know what I mean (at least I hope you do) I also went tanning today for the first time in a couple years so I can get my skin use to UV rays (since there are none here in WV and lots in FL lol) Plus I'll feel even prettier cause I'll be a nice toasted color rather than my usual white pasty color. So both of those reasons = Sexy Back cause I'm bringing the red & the tan back LoL =D
      I've gotta rinse the color reaaalll soon so I'm gonna Peace Out Yo! =P That was a short and sweet message ... I knew you'd like it! I'll be sure to put up pictures of my new look =)

Song: Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake

♪ The Other Side Of Me ♪

You're probably thinking "Why a HM (Hannah Montana) song for the name of this blog??" Well the reason is, is because of my blogs new make over ... I made the header be of different silly pictures of me (if you can't tell) so you can kind of see the other side(s) of me ya know? lol Yeaaa I know I'm weird lol

So I was planning on going to bed early tonight, but that's obviously isn't happening. I was busy working on my blogs makeover, trying to breathe cause my back is hurting so bad, & I'm trying not to stress out about my dads surgery. ::sigh::

A dear friend wrote to me (after I told him that I missed him) and it was great to hear back from him! He's the one who helped me confirm the fact that I want to do non-profit work for life (especially for organizations about child slavery). Sounds crazy I know, but he did help me a lot. Anyways my point is that it was great hearing back from him & he is having surgery the same day as my dad so I'm like "ahhhh! two people I care about are having surgery both on the same day!?!?!" I hope that both the surgeries are Very successful!

Okay so I found out a cool thing this past week. I found out that 2 people from Team Jonas (the official fanclub) are doing the DCP/DCSP (Disney College Program/Disney Career Start Program) I think it's awesome! I'm glad I'm not the only college kid who loves the JoBros & will be at Disney =) I haven't really chatted with one of the girls, but Casey (one of the other TJ/Disney peeps) seems to be pretty cool! Thumbs Up For Casey (LOL & Casey you're probably the only one who knows what I'm referring too w/that hehe!)

Anywho... My eyelids are slowing closing and i'm constantly yawning so I think thats a sign that I need to go to bed.
Sweet Dreams Everyone!! 

Song: The Other Side Of Me - Hannah Montana

Monday, December 29, 2008

♪ Hold On ♪

 So this is the first, of I'm sure many, blog titles from songs by the Jonas Brothers. I like them a lot so don't hate lol
I cannot believe that my flight leaves in 13 days!!! I'm kinda freaking out to be honest! lol I'm just like "Hold On A Second Is This For Real???" I've actually been hiding in my room so far this whole break by playing computer games rocking out to JoBros stuff and chillin on Team Jonas (don't laugh, don't hate, I love my TJ sisters) and I think I figured out that it's because I'm really nervous about being so far away for so long and all alone. Don't get my wrong, I'm VERY excited for this whole experience, but it's scary too! It's pretty cool the whole independence thing that'll be going on while I'm there, but I'm definitely stepping out of my comfort zone. It's like "Wait! I have to grow up??"
I'm also a bit worried because for the past month maybe even two months (everything this semester kinda blends together) my father has been in and out of the hospital for unknown health issues. It may be gallbladder stuff, lung issues, lymph-node cancer in the lungs, no one is sure, but it's scary. He's having surgery on Tuesday, whoa tomorrow! I'm scared cause well I love my daddy & I hate seeing him scared and I hate not knowing what's going on and I hate leaving him and my family during the process of finding out. I just hope that whatever it is, it can be treated.

So this theme of the blog today is definitely fits the song Hold On here are some of the lyrics...

We don’t have time left to regret
It will take more than common sense 
So stop your wondering take a stand 
There's more to life than just to live

'cause an empty room can be so loud
It's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

One single smile a helping hand
It's not that hard to be a friend
So don’t give up stand 'til the end
There's more to life than just to live


To me it fits everything that I'm kind of stressing about cause the whole "Hold On! I Have To Grow Up?" & "Hold On! My Dad Is Really Sick & I Have To Leave?" I know that's not what the song is about specifically, but it makes sense to me ya know? 

I don't even know if I'm making any sense whatsoever, but yea that's what's on my mind right now at 2:30am. (2nd night in a row not being able to sleep =( boo hiss!) Speaking of, I'm going to attempt to go to bed ... again lol I may be back later today, who knows, but I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!!
      ☮ ♥ RJ

Song: Hold On - Jonas Brothers

Sunday, December 7, 2008

♪ I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!!! ♪

It's True!!!!!!!
 I'm verrrry excited about Disney right now I'm ready to hop on a plane and leave... today! hehe! 
So I'm trying to study for my finals, but sadly it's not working out so much =(

I have my Humanities final tomorrow (Mon) @ 8am then Music Appreciation on Tues at 8am then Oral Comm on Thurs @ 10:30am then I go home!!!! YAY!

And Guess What!?!?! Only 35 Days Till DISNEY!!!!!! Suhhhwweeeettt!!! =)

(^^^I Made That Just FYI^^^)

I admit, I 'm reallllly going to miss my friends at school and of course my family & pets ::sigh:: I probably will cry at some point while I'm there cause this will be the longest time away from my family & the furthest away, but I really think that this will be a great experience for me to get out into the real world (even though it'll be sugar coated with Disney Love)  but the opportunities Disney has to offer, the people I will meet, and the overall experience I think will be amazing and worth the heartache from being so far away from home.

Okay I'm gonna peace out and try to study again and this time I will make it happen! =) 
Have A Magical Day!! (hehe)
☮ ♥ RJ

Song: I'm So Excited - The Pointer Sisters

Friday, December 5, 2008

♪ A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes ♪

So I have decided that I'm going to make the title of my blogs be either a song name or a part of a song. (I'll cite the song at the bottom of my blog incase you would want to check it out and of course for copy right issues)
The reason why I picked this song today is because I have had it stuck in my head since I woke up =) Good reason eh? hehe! Also because I'm so excited that my dream is about to come true in a month when I go to Disney and eat, drink, breathe, and live Disney everyday for 4 months!!! hehe I'm soooo pumped!!!
So I was bad and didn't blog for Thanksgiving so I'm going to make it up briefly... I just basically want to say that I am so very thankful for all of the opportunities and people that I have been blessed with in my life. The End. =)
Anyways... I went to the WVWC Jazz Ensemble concert tonight and loved it! It may be because I am in love with jazz music, but we also have some really talented students in the ensemble who of course are my buddies! hehe! =)

Cool Thing Today! I made a logo for my college's Invisible Children: Schools for Schools Club! =) Check It Out & tell me what you think:

So I think that's gonna be all for today. 
Sorry for not being the best blogger in the world, but I'll hopefully get better! =)
☮ ♥ RJ

Song: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes - Disney's Cinderella